The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most.

I wasn't supposed to hear. I don't think they expected me to, because I was in the kitchen, melting chocolate and helping Abby dip strawberries.

"What's her name?"
"Who?" That was Stretch's voice... always recognizable. Stretch is his nickname... he's six-foot-four and he's a disc jockey.
"That girl... the tall one in the green sweater."
"Oh! That's Chels."
"Is she new in the congregation?"
"Pretty new. Couple of months here."

I broke a chunk of chocolate apart and dropped it into the double boiler. Who was Stretch talking to? Who didn't know me? Hm. I wasn't sure. Whoever it was, there was a conversation going on about me, and I was going to listen to it.

"Is she dating Easton Brown?"

I almost snorted, but I controlled it. Easton is amazing, and I love him to death, but we're just friends.

"Naw... they've gone out a couple of times is all. Why?"
"Just wondered if she had a boyfriend. She's cute."

I looked up quickly, but Abby was already poking me in the ribs. She'd been listening too. I shushed her and we hovered over our sweets, ears perked up. Stretch's next words, however, made me freeze, my wooden spoon idling in the pan.

"She doesn't have one as far as I know, but you don't want any of that."
"What?"

What?

"Why?"

Yes, why?

"It's like..." Stretch sounded like he was reaching for a comparison. "You know that band-- Dashboard Confessional?"

Stretch is a DJ. Stretch knows his music.

"Sure."
"There's a song by them, about a girl who is perfect on the outside, but has so many problems on the inside that nobody can get to her... get her to be herself, you know? That's her."
"That's kind of harsh."
"True, though. She's pretty, but there's nothing underneath. Only a big problem. Don't waste your time, man."

I knew what song he was talking about. Even if I hadn't, it wouldn't have mattered. Abby was staring at me, round blue eyes stricken.

I put my spoon down, collected my jacket and car keys, and quietly left the church.


Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and covered with a perfect shell,
such a charming beautiful exterior.

This is one time
this is one time
that you can't fake it hard enough to please
everyone or anyone at all
or anyone at all.
And the grave that you refuse to leave
the refuge that you've built to flee
the places you have come to fear the most
is the place that you have come to fear the most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and hidden in the public eye.
Such a stellar monument to loneliness.
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
and perfect makeup but you're barely scraping by.

This is one time
this is one time
that you can't fake it hard enough to please
everyone or anyone at all
or anyone at all.
And the grave that you refuse to leave
the refuge that you've built to flee
the places you have come to fear the most
is the place that you have come to fear the most